Miss you
by APap
Summary: What happens when Rory's world comes crashing down around her? She loses the best thing in her life and she has no clue what to do.. still flashbacks. Adding more characters and will become a Lit in a few chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Ok, so I have writers block on my other story, which yes is still Untitled. And because of recent events I got the inspiration to write this story. It's based loosely on my life the last 2 months as I try to cope with losing my mom. You see my dad and the rest of my family feel I should go to counseling so I do go grudgingly of course, but they think I should write or scrapbook or something that I like to do, so here I am now writing this story for you. Enjoy!**

Why is this happening to me? How did this happen? Have I been that bad of a person that God had to do this to me? I know I've never been the holier-than-now-go-to-church-every-Sunday type of person but why?

All these thoughts kept running through my head as I stood in line having hundreds of people telling me how sorry they were!

For those of you who guessed it, yes I am standing at my moms wake, my best friend in the whole world! And people one by one come and tell me how sorry they are for my loss. Sure they're sympathetic, but how can someone who hasn't lost their mom at age 15 tell me everything is going to be ok!

I look over to the front of the room and look at my mother laying there: lifeless, in eternal rest…forever! My eyes start to tear up but I hold them back. I have convinced myself that I don't need to cry. I can hold it in, because no matter what people say I will not allow myself to cry! I want to cry but I also want to stay strong for my dad, my grandparents and for Luke.

I still haven't figured out how she and my father could have hid this kind of thing for so long. Even when it got so bad the doctor said she had a slim chance to make it another year. Even then they still didn't tell me, they didn't tell anyone. How could my best friend in the whole world keep something like this from me?

That night when she went to the emergency room because she was having trouble breathing I thought she had the flu or something and she'd be fine in a week. I didn't think anything of it, until they told me she had fluid in her lungs. I didn't even think that was so bad. But now I know what was really wrong, the secret they kept from me and I just, I hate thinking about it. Because that's when my world came crashing down around me.

_Flashback_

_It was Friday night and my mom was still hadn't come home from the hospital, she'd been gone two nights now. I guess my mom called my dad from the hospital and he came down. Now, don't get me wrong I love my dad, but he hasn't been there for more than half my life. _

_I'm sitting here in my kitchen, with my dad sitting across from me, I have no clue what he's going to say to me. And he looks like he's been crying. 'Why would he be crying?' _

"_Ror, I, um, I need to tell you something about your mom."_

"_What?" I asked getting even more nervous by the second._

"_She, um, she's got cancer." He told me starting to choke up._

_I looked at him shocked for about a minute and when I eyes started to tear up, I ran to my room and locked the door. I lied down on my bed and cried. I cried because I was going to lose my best friend. I cried because I didn't understand why this was happening to me. I cried because I had no idea what else to do. I felt numb. I could hear my dad calling me, asking me to come out she he could talk to me, but I ignored him. The rest of the night I just lay there, in bed, watching my favorite shows and her favorite movies until I finally fell asleep._

**P.S. Most of this story will continue with her remembering things like a flashback, until I work my way to the funeral and the wake.**

**Oh yes and be sure to REVIEW! **


	2. Chapter 2

Here is the next chapter. Thanks to my only reviewer LitGG1982.

Enjoy!

That morning I woke up and everything from the day before came back to me. It was like I was being drowned. I couldn't breathe, I was losing my mom. Then I remembered that my dad was there. I got out of bed and opened my door and I looked to the right of me and I saw my dad sitting on the floor sleeping next to my door. I bent down and shook him, trying to wake him up.

"Dad. Dad! DAD!" I called getting louder and louder until he woke up.

"Ror--"

"No, I need to talk to you, about mom. I need to ask you stuff and I don't want you to say anything until I say to."

"Ok, Hun."

Once we were sitting at the kitchen table once again I decided I'd jump right in and ask questions.

"Ok, first, I want to know how long she's known or how long you've known about the cancer."

"Um, we've both known about 7 months."

Ouch. I felt someone punched me in the stomach. "You mean you knew for 7 months and no one told me? Or anybody?"

"We didn't want to worry anyone, especially you. And the doctor said it was small and he would be able to take care of it with a 4 month chemo. He said it was a rare form of cancer that probably started somewhere in or near the ovaries and worked its way up to form on her lungs."

"So, it's bad now? Like really bad? She's not going to make it bad?"

"It is." He told me quietly.

When he said that it was like floodgates opened in my eyes. Tears just kept falling; I kept asking him questions though. I needed to know.

"So, they aren't going to do anything to try and save her?"

"On Thursday when she went in, the doctor said he could try a short but effective chemo that would last the weekend, but he didn't expect it to get so bad by yesterday, which is why she's not going to make it. In the end the chemo wouldn't help it would just make her sicker and prolonge the inevitable."

"Oh my god, why mom?" I asked between sobs.

My dad moved over to the chair next me and let me cry into his shirt. After about 10 minutes of crying and completely soaking my dads shirt I stopped crying and realized I still hadn't asked one important question. "How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long does she have left? How much longer do I have to see her? Oh my god I have to see her, we should go right now. I want to see her before she goes. What if I don't make it and she's gone by the time I get there."

"Calm down. He said she had at least a few days last night. You go shower and get ready and we'll grab some breakfast and go."

"Ok." I got and went into my room and grabbed some clothes to put on and went in the shower.

While I was in the shower something clicked. Do my grandparents know? What about Luke? Oh no, Luke. He'll be devastated. He needs to know. I don't care what my dad says. He'd want to say goodbye.

When I got out of the shower I got dressed and walked out into the living to find my dad watching TV.

"Dad, I need to do something before we go."

"Ok, what?"

"I need to do it alone."

"Well, what do you need to do?"

"I need to tell Luke about mom. He'll want to say goodbye."

"Rory, I really don't think that's a good idea."

"I DON'T CARE."

"Alright, go tell him."

"Pick me up there in 10 minutes."

I ran to Luke's as fast as I could. I took the short cut me and mom found the summer she couldn't stand to walk for more than five minutes. When I got there the only person in the diner was Kirk.

"Hey Kirk where's Luke?"

"I am not sure, but when you find him tell him my patty melt cannot cook itself."

"Kirk it's 10:30 in the morning."

"And?"

"Never mind." I ran up the stairs to Luke's apartment. I knocked on the door and didn't get an answer. I knocked again and this time I heard someone yell and some mild cursing, too. When Luke opened the door, I pushed by him and into the apartment.

"Rory what the—"

"I need to tell you something important."

"Ok."

"My mom she's, she's—" I started to choke up again.

"What Rory, what's wrong with your mom?

"She's in the hospital, and my dad he's here and he told me, that my mom she's, she's got cancer and she's not going to make it, Luke." My eyes started tearing up again. Luke just looked at me shocked, sad and afraid.

"How, why, when? Wait don't answer those. I'm not going to do that to you. Can I, can I come see her?"

"Yeah, I think she'd like that." I told him smiling through my tears.

**A/N: Short, but I felt like writing. Enjoy and remember to click the magically button.**


	3. Chapter 3

The car ride with Luke and my dad was quiet. Everyone left to their own thoughts, which necessarily wasn't a good thing, especially for me. I was thinking of all things my mom was going to miss in my life. Everything she and I have always looked forward to: my graduation, me starting college, my college graduation, me fulfilling my dreams. She wasn't supposed to die until she got to be the matron of honor at my wedding. She wasn't supposed to leave until she met her grandkids and spoiled them rotten. But she defiantly wasn't leaving me without saying goodbye. God can my dad drive a little FASTER, please!

When we finally got to the hospital I walked through the doors and I immediately felt a strange feeling come over me. It's hard to describe. It was like walking through fire then walking through pouring rain and then back to normal climate. I know it sounds weird but that's what I felt that day walking into the hospital. My dad directed Luke and I to the elevator and we silently rode it up to the floor she was on.

My dad was the first to walk into her room; he said Luke and I should wait so he can just make sure she can handle us visiting right now. When he came back out he looked sadder then when he walked in, I started getting nervous, what if I didn't make it, what if I don't get to say goodbye and tell her how much I love her. But to my relief he told us that she wanted to see us both together. My dad told us to meet him in the waiting area around the corner when we were done.

I walked into the room and felt tears sting my eyes. It was worse than I thought. My mom was lying there on the hospital bed, hooked up to about three machines. Two of them were giving her an IV, one with vegetation liquid and the other with morphine. The other was helping her breath.

Luke and I sat down on the chairs next to the bed.

"Hi mom," I said trying to keep my tears to a minimum.

"Hey babe," she sounded so drained of all the happiness that was ever in her voice. "Hey Luca," she said cracking a little smile.

"Hey Lor," Luke sad sadly.

"Did you guys see that story about the guy cheerleader at Stars Hollow High?"

"Yeah, mom. It was actually really good."

"Well, yes I did, if only I read the gossip crap that is the newspaper of Stars Hollow," Luke said sarcastically.

My mom laughed at that but it wasn't her normal, happy laugh, it started out that way but then she started to cough. She slid down so she was more lying in the bed than sitting. She seemed even more tired after that cough. She started to close her eyes and I got nervous, what if this was it? What if she closes her eyes right now and never opens them again? But, Luke being a fast thinker calls out to her and wakes her up.

"So, Lor," he says a little above normal voice level.

"Huh? What? Oh, Luke hi, was I dozing off on you guys?" She said sleepily.

"A little, but its ok you should get your rest," I told her.

After a few minutes of silence, she started telling us all these stories. One of them was from last night, when my aunt came to visit.

"Well, Pam came and visited last night. And we watched that movie. The, um, The Wizard of Oz." Her words were starting to slur together and she wasn't making sense for awhile during this story and all the stories after that. That's about all I understood. But, she began to doze off again which is when Luke and I decided to leave for a bit and let her rest.

I got up and went over the bed. I gave her a kiss and then I hugged her.

"I love you, mom," I whispered in her ear.

"I love you, too baby."

It was Luke's turn now. He went over to the bed and hugged and pecked her on the cheek. I distinctly remember hearing him whispered that he loved her but, it could have been my imagination, who knows. We walked down the hall to meet my dad in the waiting room and we found him with a ton of other members of our family, of our town, basically everyone close to us was there and wanted to see her.

"Ror, why don't I take you home for a bit, hospitals aren't such a calming place."

"No, Dad you should stay here, I can just catch a bus."

"I'll take you home for awhile, Rory, if you want. I'm not the biggest fan of hospitals."

"Yeah, that'd be good, thanks Luke."

It was quiet on the way home. Not any better than the ride there. Worse even, because I saw her, I saw how bad this really was. How she could just leave the earth at any moment. I can't figure out why this is happening to me! Why me? Huh, funny, I've been asking myself that a lot lately. I was brought back from my thoughts when Luke asked me if I wanted to go home or back to the diner to eat.

"I'll just go home, Luke. Thanks so much." I cracked the tiniest of smiles for him.

When I got home I went into my room and turned on my laptop. I needed to do something to keep my mind off of what was happening. I'll see whose online and if worst comes to worst and no ones on I can just go in a chat room. Fortunately, my best friend Lane was on. She IMed me as soon as I signed on.

LaneKx926: Hey Rory, How are you?

Coffee Princess: I'm ok, I guess. I can assume that you know?

LaneKx926: Yeah. I want to go see her, if I can.

Coffee Princess: Of course you can, but is you're mom going to let you?

LaneKx926: Yeah I already talked to her.

Great who is calling me! I thought when the phone began ringing. I told Lane I'd be right back and ran to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Rory?" It was Luke he sounded worried. Oh no mom.

"Luke, is something wrong?"

"Just get ready I'm coming to get you."

"Why?"

"You just need to get to the hospital. Your dad just called."

"Ok, hurry up."

"Practically out the door."

**A/N: Ok, so, this chapter was hard for me to write. But, it feels good you know afterwards? Yeah and the fact that I'm trying to change my life into Rory's is a little hard. Luke is my like my brother in this. And I made up her Aunt Pam, to resemble my Aunt. Lane is like my best friend. Hm, what else, Oh the other family members that are in it, the grandparents are going to be the regular Gilmore grandparents but slightly different. I might make random family members that don't exist on Gilmore girls but this story wouldn't flow without them so bare with me. Anyways, read and review. Yeah sorry it's a little short. Next chapter will probably a little bit longer. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey so I'm back! I know that I disappeared for like 3 years but I hope that I can start updating again! I've been lurking reading some other stories and just got in the mood to write again! **** Here's a quick update here will be more to come later on today or tomorrow. Review Please!!**

Something was wrong. Even more wrong than mom being on the brink of death. Luke hadn't said anything the whole ride to the hospital. I sat there looking out the window watching the world pass by.

When we got to the hospital I bolted out of the car not even waiting for Luke. I took the familiar route to my mom's room where I found my dad waiting for me.

"Dad what's going on? Luke didn't tell me anything. He just picked me up and drove me here. Is she ok? Is she…"

Cutting me off, my dad told me, "She's still hanging on, but he, the doctor, doesn't think it'll be much longer. She probably won't even make it to tomorrow. "

I couldn't breathe. I felt like I'd been punched 100 times in the stomach. This was it. She was going to leave me. Forever. I vaguely heard my dad explaining to me how I wouldn't be able to talk to her anymore, due to the morphine they were keeping her on. I finally looked up and noticed Luke standing behind my dad looking just as bad as I imagined myself to look like right now. I assume he heard everything. I couldn't just stand there looking at him anymore so I turned and walked into my mom's room.

I sat there in a chair next to her bed just holding her hand. I didn't talk to anyone. I just sat there with her and cried. I knew my dad was there; Luke was there, my grandparents and my aunt. I didn't acknowledge any of them. When I finally looked up I saw Lane was there to. I didn't know when she got there, I had been in my own little world, feeling sorry for myself for my mothers unfulfilled life, the things I'd never be able to do with her.

When Lane saw me look up at her she came over and sat with me. I noticed on her watch that it was just past midnight. Well so far the doctor was wrong she made it to tomorrow. I knew better than to get my hopes up. My mother was a fighter but fighting this was impossible. Lane hugged me and I cried into her shoulder.

At some point I fell asleep, I'm not sure when but when I woke up it was 6 in the morning. I couldn't believe that I slept! They let me sleep! No this was not ok! I need spend every second awake holding her hand. Then I realized I still had her hand in mine.

Noticing that I had woken up my grandma came over and asked me if I wanted anything to eat. I shook my head no, not taking my eyes off the rise and fall of my mom's chest. She was still here! She hadn't left me yet! Take that stupid doctor!

I noticed Luke came over and sat on the edge of my mom's bed looking at me like he wanted to say something. So I looked up at him, letting him know he could talk. "Rory, your mom wouldn't want you to be hungry, and she definitely wouldn't want you to be coffee deprived" I chuckled at that. Luke hated out coffee addiction but he was right. "Rory just come down to the cafeteria and grab something to eat with Lane and I. We'll grab something and come right back up here, I promise."

I looked at him I nodded and followed him out the door. The walk to the cafeteria was quiet. No one really knew what to say. I was almost grateful for the silence but also kind of wish they'd say something to take my mind off of my mom.

Sitting down with my coffee I got my wish, Lane sat across from me while Luke got our food.

"Hey Rory. I know this is tough but I'm always here for you."

I gave a small half smile, "I know you are Lane, thank you so much."

"I grabbed you a change of clothes before I came up here in case you wanted to change, they're back in the room."

"Thanks Lane."

"Your welcome."

Just then Luke made his way back over to us with our food on a tray. "You ready head back?" I nodded and followed him back with Lane by my side.

Arriving back in the room I noticed my grandma had taken my spot next to my mom. She moved to get up when she saw me come in but I told her to stay and I went to sit on the other side of her bed near my dad. I was picking at my pie and drinking my coffee when the nurses came in to check on her and change her IV. It was awkward. Everyone was just sitting there in silence. I felt a little bad for nurses who had to walk into that.

I continued sitting by mom's side for what felt like days, in reality it was just an hour or two. Looking up at the clock I noticed it was nearly noon. I was tired of just sitting there waiting for my mom to die. I felt like someone should be helping her trying to save her. This just didn't seem right! Why my mom? I continued to watch her chest rising and falling as her breaths started to come slower and farther apart. The doctor told us this would happen and too look for it as a sign that she was leaving us. I just don't understand.

I sat there with my head down wishing praying it could be me instead when I heard my grandma yell my mother's name. I quickly jerked my head up and looked around at everyone's face and then looked at my mom's lifeless face her chest was no longer rising and falling and I finally noticed the machine beeping telling us she no longer had a pulse. She was gone. Then in ran the doctor and two nurses both looking at us all with sorrow. I kissed my mom on the cheek and was quickly ushered out of the room by nurse.


End file.
